The Extra Super Mega Top Secret Highly Classified Need to Know Building Stuff
The following information is highly guarded information about the building process and
proprietary technology from the Oakland Axe Factory regarding the construction and
material selection for said construction. This section also defines specific techniques
involved during the top secret building process that may or may not be used exclusively
by the Oakland Axe Factory during the construction and material selection phase of
building musical instruments. This information may not be copied, distributed or shared
without the explicit permission and license from the Oakland Axe Factory or anyone with
a table saw and licensed O.A.F. decoder ring. The following information should be used
by trained, experienced, certified, licensed, skilled artisans/circus performers with
previously mentioned table saw and decoder ring. Use of the following top secret
information by untrained, inexperienced, uncertified, unlicensed, unskilled
artisans/circus performers could result in death, dismemberment, runny nose, fever,
weeping sores, constipation and tax audits.
The most important steps are listed first as it is the most important information and is to
be considered mission critical. First and foremost is the importance of reading each step
in order and each instruction followed to the letter. The Oakland Axe Factory advocates
the use of reading glasses and natural light when necessary. The reading glasses do not
need to meet ANSI standards as the individual reading the top secret instructions should
be in a secured location that is well lit and free of high speed air borne projectiles. more
on high speed airborne projectiles in chapter 16 under the heading ‘supplied air
breathing apparatus’.
First and foremost is the concern of safety in the work environment and surrounding
areas. This section is to be considered in addition to the actual top secret, highly
guarded information on the building process, proprietary technology, construction steps
and material selection for the musical instruments. Safety is the primary concern when
operating power tools, hand tools, and finishing equipment. Neglecting to follow all
safety guidelines can result in instant death, prolonged death or eventual death and the
following side effects: itchiness and swelling in the nether regions, gout, termite
infestation, premature lapse of your automobiles extended warranty and calls from
distant family members that you have been avoiding since an embarrassing event two
Thanksgivings ago. The Oakland Axe Factory waives any responsibility for not following
proper safety techniques while attempting to read the safety instructions listed above.
The Top Secret Building Information is listed below in order of precedence.
1. Try new things and have fun doing it.